Writing

As of now, I would not consider myself a writer. I have difficulty writing anything and become stressed at the thought of writing. I seek to impress those who read my work and I always feel insecure about what I produce. I re-read what I write (including this blog post) at least three times before sending, submitting, or posting anything. Even after I do, I always feel my writing contains some mistake or lacks something and could be much improved, even if it's a simple email to my family. If I had a choice on how to express my ideas, I would probably choose to use some form of symbols to express words, as I do in my many math assignments. It would probably turn out to look like the picture below and only some people would understand it. Any other method of expressing my ideas gives me stress because I am never able to produce a perfect image of my thoughts. If I could, I’d find some way for people to see or read my thoughts. Then, I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not the expression of my idea is clear.

Outside of school assignments, I have rarely written anything. When I was younger, I attempted to keep a journal, but the entries are few and far between. Sometimes, I would write stories about my life, but I would never share what I wrote with anybody and these eventually became forgotten. Now, my writing is limited to class assignments, texts, short emails, and Facebook updates. The last three of these are also few and far between. There hasn't ever been a time where I would just sit down and write something extensive for fun. For this to occur, my grade had to depend upon it. 

As for what my grade depended on, there have been few writing assignments I have enjoyed and many I have not. I enjoyed the many creative writing assignments in elementary school. These activities allowed me to use my own thoughts and think outside the box. I loved coming up with strange ideas and incorporating them into my stories, but I never enjoyed sharing my stories. As I progressed through the years, my writing style was changed by force and necessity. My writing had to be more structured, less creative, and much longer. My grades depended on these factors and I was determined to get good grades. These changes created a dislike of writing within me. As I look back on middle, junior high, and high school, there were few assignments I enjoyed completing. These assignments were ones where I wrote about my life and my opinion in my own words. There was little to no set structure. What I created did not rely on someone else's writing, as did my many essays about novels and research topics. I was able to use my thoughts and my words. One particular assignment I remember was a poem I wrote for my AP English Literature course at the beginning my senior year of high school. It was a "Where I'm From" poem based on the poem by George Ella Lyon. I loved this assignment. I was able to write about what made me me. I spent a lot of time perfecting my poem and I was pleased with the final result. Nobody could judge my work wrong because it was all about me and I'm always right on the subject of me. On the other hand, the assignments I did not enjoy were the exact opposite of this. These required me to either research a topic or read a novel and produce some opinion about it. My writing was based on what I found during research or while reading a novel and was composed of some other author’s thoughts. It was not my own voice speaking in the essays I wrote. In addition, I felt my essays were never good enough. There was always something wrong with what I wrote. I'd turn in most of my assignments with a feeling of failure, even though I never received a failing grade when my writing was returned. These feelings, along with many others, have led me to believe today that I am not a writer.

Because of my experiences writing, I will give my futures students many options on how to express their ideas and understanding. I don't want to restrict them to a single method, such as writing, because everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I want my students to feel comfortable and be proud of what they produce. I don't want them to become stressed by any particular assignment. I want them to enjoy math the way I do.